Idle Rambling 2009-02-22
I am disappointed that no one has recently expressed their customary dissatisfaction with my commentaries by sending me boxes full of doggy-doo. It is excellent for fertilizing bulb plants which need the phosphorous. Also, ask your dog if he can get by on one less can of Alpo per week. Then we could feed the entire starving populations of a few third world countries. (Short sell ALPO manufacturer? Buy whoever makes cheap dry dog chow?) (For you fellow Social Security payees, there are tastier and much cheaper brands of canned dog food. Watch out for salmonella in the dog biscuits. Try them on a dog before eating any.))
After perusing the thousands of thousands of lines of the bailout bill, I have only identified one which seems important --- preservation of the habitat of the marsh mouse. Here in 5-Space, there is a dim notion that, in the distant future, the marsh mouse will evolve to replace a defunct human race as the planet's dominant species. It does seem that the marsh mouse is already showing signs of a form of rationality and political wisdom that is uncommon among humans. Besides the cost of saving the marsh mouse is a trivial $30 million. The marsh mouse is a coincidentally in Nancy Pelosi's district and thus one of her wiser constituents. But, a mouse is not pork so it must be OK. Hell, this ledger line only costs American citizens ten cents per capita. Besides, it will doubtless create a new job - Assistant Manager for the MM project. I'm for it. Perhaps Nancy also wanders around here in 5-space, although I have not bumped into her.
The gummint is espousing a Plan similar to that implemented by the gummint during the Great Depression I (GD-I) of the 'thirties. Because the GD-I plan failed, the current plan needs to be much bigger if it is going to work, our wise financial experts explain. But, if WWII is what really got us out of the GD-I, do we need to have a bigger war? Afghanistan is hardly going to do it. Perhaps we could spend enough money by taking over Iran and excavating the entire country to a depth of 100 feet to find any lingering nukes? Or maybe simply rerouting the Grand Canyon to supply more water to California? (Buy Caterpillar (CAT) stock if these secret plans start coming to light.)
When I was a kid, back in the Dark Ages, gambling was pretty much illegal everywhere. Gangsters of all stripes ran various businesses in this arena. Illegal gambling dens, numbers rackets, horse race betting parlors, etc. One could bet on numbers in corner candy or cigar stores. The police worked very hard to track down and prosecute these gangsters, when not accepting minor gratuities. Of course those lotteries were rigged --- maybe winning number would be the last two decimal points of the DJIA for the day, which could be conveniently adjusted by paying a small sum to some Wall Street bookkeeper. So, over the years the states started to run their own lotteries to get rid of the criminal element and end the moral turpitude of all this illegal gambling. The profit rigging was nicely folded into the percentage of receipts retained by the states. Commendable.
The gangsters all bought more conservative suits and moved to other pastures --- Wall Street maybe? The numbers racket guys moved into selling marijuana. The cops moved on to marijuana arrests. Now, in fiscal 2008, state lottery revenues rose 3.3% to $60.6 billion. Per a U of Texas study, gambling increases as incomes go down. The states intensively advertise their lotteries by every media possible since the lottery profits are a big chunk of state revenues. What happened to the moral reprehension of gambling previously expressed by state governments? The numbers guys were exploiting the poor and/or ignorant. Now the states are now doing so on a scale that would be the envy of the mafia and the old time numbers runners. By extension, I suspect that as incomes go down, people are taking bigger risks in the financial markets. The times, they are a-changing. Wanna bet?
A.U.
P.S.
An old, old joke you young'uns maybe never heard:
>Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White
> House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third
> is from Minnesota.
>
> All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The
> Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
> then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the
> job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100
> profit for me."
>
> The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then
> says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my
> crew and $100 profit for me."
>
> The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to
> the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
>
> The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the
> other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
>
> The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you,
> and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
>
> "Done!" replies the government official.
>
> And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.